The minute anyone finds out you are engaged the conversation goes two ways – questioning the details of the wedding day, or giving unsolicited advice. People like to give advice. Everyone knows what is best. But, not all advice is created equal.
Something that has become quite trendy is to ask your guests to fill out cute little cards giving you, the happy couple, marriage advice. We did this – We didn’t get much back in terms of quality advice.
First off, half your guests don’t bother. Even though we put pens on the table and their cards right there in front of them. They won’t. So if you’re expecting them to fill out jenga pieces, or a puzzle piece, expect about half of them wont. You often invite pairs to a wedding or give someone a plus 1 – so they will, together, fill out 1 card, or one thumb print on a framed tree.
Additionally, almost no one puts their name on these cards – so you have no idea who this advice is from. What if this advice is from the aunt who’s been divorced twice? Is that someone you want to take advice from?
Next, you will get lots of repetitive cliche “advice”. I got 6 cards that all basically said don’t go to bed mad and I got 9 that were about sex.
So out of about 50 cards I’d like to share my favorites that I’m putting into practice.
“Have sex with the lights on while you can!!” Solid advice. It made me laugh.
“Find the Love Language of your spouse. Speak it loudly” If you have never heard of Love Languages I suggest you click on this link. It’s essentially what actions speak loudest for your partner to hear. Ryan’s love language is Physical Touch, mine is Words of Affirmation. When I want to show Ryan love it’s about being physical – holding his hand, rubbing his back, cuddling while watching TV. He’s a very hands on person because that’s what he responds to. Sometimes I have to stop myself from verbally praising him too much because what he responds to is my touch.
“Be considerate and realize we’re all humans who have good and not so good days” My dad’s cousin was married very faithfully to one man until he passed earlier than anticipated. She never remarried because she was very faithful to her vows. Her love, and her marriage was one I looked up to as a child so knowing this card came from her I’m certainly going to take it to heart. One bad day is not the end of the world. Some days are just rocky. It happens. Being patient and letting your spouse work through their bad day is all you can do.
“Listen to his stories. Don’t roll your eyes. Support him with whatever he does” This one was addressed directly to me, and it’s funny because the one her husband wrote was “She’s always right, but let him win once in a while” I’ve seen this particular couple in action – they are very traditional. She respects him wholeheartedly. Which leads me to the next one.
“Agree with your spouse – even if they’re wrong – when they are not seeing eye to eye with someone else. There is nothing sexier than your wo(man) sticking to your side no matter what. (And then tell them if they are being an idiot it private)” Never fight in public – it’s horrible! Someone actually had a blow out fight with her husband at my wedding reception – I hate people who fight in public. I judge their relationship so harshly. I basically can’t understand why anyone would be with someone who fights in public.
“Let the other person be who they are, not who you want them to be.” I think this one generally speaks for its self.
“Weigh every argument against the value of your marriage.” I was told, fights happen and pick your battles. You will never agree on everything so don’t try. Stand up for your self but always respect the person you married.
“Today’s wedding was beautiful but the marriage is what is important. No matter what you face – always remember it is the love you have- and it will grow with you.” Thanks Mom. ♥
Everyone has advice about their marriage, weather it is succeeding and they are still married, or they are divorced and telling you what not to do. In the end the only piece of advice you need ladies is to trust your husband. You two picked each others for reasons known to you and given he’s a good man he will lead you and your life in the best way possible. Stay close to Him and don’t worry about all the others.
Until next time,
Come join me on twitter @IrisAndOleander or email me IrisAndOleander@gmail.com Can’t wait to hear from you 🙂