Personal Development

I suck at self improvement

Growing up in a feminist world, no matter how hard I try, will make it challenging to live a traditional life. Because of who I am deep down – I strive to make the people around me proud. The word proud means more than a lot of other words.

The first time Ryan ever told me he was proud of me I cried. I didn’t cry the first time he told me he loved me.

And that may sound harsh to some. I get that. Sometimes I think it’s really odd as well. But making people proud drives me. It drives me in a way that very few things do.

The problem comes when those people aren’t proud of a traditional living. They don’t see that as something to be proud of. They are proud of young children coming out as pansexual. They are proud of kindergartners picking their own gender. They are not proud of women who stay faithful. They are not proud of having babies and growing families.

I’m a follower. I enjoy being a follower. But I also want a better life, and I want to be a better wife, a better person.

There is a challenge in there that not everyone faces. When the people around me don’t push me, I struggle to challenge myself. I can’t seem to do it for myself. I can’t seem to do it with out knowing I’m making someone proud.

A pretty intelligent guy wrote Even “Red Pill Women’s” forums would be hard pressed to explain how they planned to improve their selves.

It makes sense – based on what I’m learning about myself, and women in general – women grow and improve for men. Men grow and improve for themselves.

So now the question for myself is – do I fight biology? Do I challenge myself to push and improve with out anyone telling me they are proud of me and possibly no-one caring I’m doing it at all? Or do I accept this is how things are and just sit and wait for someone to push me?

I’ll keep you updated,
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Cover photo credit Louish Pixel



One thought on “I suck at self improvement

  1. This post really resonates with me. I used to work so hard to hear my parents say they were proud of me, and now it’s the same with Henry. I live for that. I’ve also created a list of my goals for self-improvement in terms of my conduct, but I do admittedly get discouraged when no one takes notice. I guess my faith helps me in that way. If I can think of making God proud by being more virtuous as a woman, then that does help keep me motivated. I also had a really lovely woman who was a mentor to me in this way, and who actually talked openly about her own journey to accepting her role, and obedience and respect and submission as a Christian wife. But then I moved, and have yet to find someone in my current city who can keep me accountable in the same way.

    Liked by 1 person

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