A family friend is getting a divorce – after only 4 years. Something about this does not surprise my sisters and I. The red flags were visible a mile away to everyone except this young man.
He’s a good guy, relatively good looking, certainly the potential to be a good provider. He loves his nieces and nephews and shows he’d be a good father one day. But he never saw it – he never saw what so many of us saw. He was marrying a very selfish girl.
Right out the gate that girl showed signs that the wedding was more important than the marriage. She was fixated on a precise location, exact shade of purple, and flowers she could not live with out. She offered no support to the guests when the logistics of how to get to this backwoods location came up.
I’m all for having a wedding that fits you, and your husband’s, personality. But if you get married with plum bridesmaid dresses, instead of eggplant bridesmaid dresses it shouldn’t rattle you. Life goes on. Your marriage will not be harmed if you can’t get Queen Ann’s Lace because you are marrying in May and not June.
He picked a girl with big dreams – and little ability to compromise. Early in their marriage she was applying for jobs on the east coast while he had a really nice job in the Midwest. He loved his job, the projects he was on excited him. Many people can not say this about their own job. But then her dream job offer came – 950 miles away.
So he compromised. He found a way to work remotely. His boss helped him find flexibility. And they moved. For a job she quickly disliked. She came home stressed. Complained about the small apartment. While he flew back monthly to the Midwest office still loving his own job.
In the end it was clear. The opinion of others took precedent over the opinion of her husband. While her family was visiting her busy-body mother took it upon herself to start cleaning the apartment – throwing things away. She said she was just decluttering for them. Once Husband found out this was happening he appealed to his wife to put a stop to it.
She took her mother’s side both in public and in private.
A cardinal rule of marriage – she broke it. Her selfishness had pushed them apart. The opinion of her mother was more important than the opinion of her husband. So he left, flew back to the Midwest city, returned to the office of the job that excited him. And is filing for divorce.
I suppose it’s better – at least they didn’t have kids.
Until next time,
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Cover photo credit Jo Christian Oterhals