Family · Marriage · Personal Development

Babies can kill a marriage, ya know.

“I don’t tell a lot of people this, but about a year after our first kid was born I filed for divorce”

Per tradition, we were at a brewery for a friends birthday this weekend. An eclectic ragtag group of people who only really know each other because of the birthday-boy. And here was a burly mountain man looking guy giving us baby advice.

I’d heard stories like that – you get so wrapped up in the child you forget you’re married. Whether you turn into roommates, or you realize you already were, the child becomes the priority.

Stories like this are why I am always saying a woman must be 51% wife. That your husband should never come second at the end of the day. One thing is guaranteed – your children leave one day. They get their own life. Hopefully sooner than later ūüėČ And then you see marriages failing. “We stayed together for the children”. Because couples stopped knowing they were to stay together for each other.

Mountain man was telling us how they “didn’t have family nearby”. “we didn’t know where to turn when we needed a night off”. ¬†even saying “Hell, we didn’t know we were allowed a night off”

Thankfully Ryan and I have already heard that you should take a date night monthly, more if you can. I have a 13yo neighbor chomping at the bit to babysit for us. But the truth is¬†if you don’t schedule it – if you don’t make it a priority – who will?

Mountain man and his wife didn’t divorce. They sought marriage counseling and they learned to put each other¬†before the children. They now have 4 kids and are happy to be together.

Young couples have lost their villages. And if you don’t have one before you bring a child into your marriage you may struggle. Having others to lean on, to learn from. The tribe that makes sure parents are prepared to take on the responsibility of raising the next generation.

I’m so thankful for my village.¬†I know that R and I don’t have to do this alone.

Have a great week!!
Follow me on twitter IrisAndOleander, and don’t forget to subscribe if you like what you read.



Oh – baby stats for the curious :0)

How far along?  22 weeks 6 day
Times I’ve has called the insurance company:¬†5…
Maternity clothes? Lu La Roe Azure skirts are heaven
Stretch marks?¬†No.¬†ūüôā
Depends on the night but it’s been really good lately
Best moment to date: Feeling the baby move! Ryan did last night for the first time
Miss Anything? Naw
Movement: Little fishy swims and the kicks have just started
Food cravings: meh, not really.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing lately
Have you started to show yet: People are saying I haven’t, but they lie
Looking forward to: Spring cleaning and painting the basement so we can furnish the nursery upstairs.
Weird unsolicited advice: None yet.




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