Marriage

Ladies, Stop Holding Your Love For Him Hostage!

Stop picking and choosing what days you will honor your husband!

This is going to be a quickly written mini-rant because of something I saw on facebook in a religious homemaking group.

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Personally, I love stuff like this – I think it’s fun and silly.  But I don’t abide by anything like this to the letter. If I did – I’d probably drive myself nuts. (But the GOAL is fucking spot on.)

The thing that I saw in this homemaker group though was rude women. Women saying “Well, where is his list?”  Women saying “But what has Husband done for me lately?!” Women saying “Why should we bend over backward for our guy when he doesn’t for us?”

SHUT UP!

No, really, you women sound selfish.

Here is the thing – you vowed at your wedding to honor, love, respect, your husband, always. You didn’t say “I’ll honor you on Mondays, I’ll love you on sunny days, and I’ll respect you on days you bring me flowers.”  No, you said you’d love him all days. 

Through the good days, the bad days, the healthy days, the sick days, the prosperous days, and the “how the to eff are we paying for a new roof this month???” days. THAT is what you vowed.

And yes so did he

BUT YOU CAN’T MAKE HIM

Stop holding your love for him hostage to his love for you. Stop holding the respect you have him in and only showing it on days you feel like he’s showing you respect.

Instead, I challenge you to show him love every day. Show him respect even when you’re tired and cranky. And honor the family you are creating with him.

Why?

Because you married him. Because you said you would. Because you vowed those things in front of friends and family.

“BUT IRIS…. WHAT IF HE DOESNT SHOW HIS LOVE!?”

  1. Did you marry a jack ass? (I’mma guess no)
  2. Are you projecting your feelings and how you show love onto him and then getting mad when he doesn’t share your feelings (I’mma guess yes)

 

When you start keeping score you’re doomed to fail. He will have bad days, he will forget things on his to-do list, he will reprioritize something and not tell you. But give him grace. Give him all the love you have.

Because you said you would.

 

Until next time,
Iris
Follow me on twitter IrisAndOleander, and don’t forget to subscribe if you like what you read.

 

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6 thoughts on “Ladies, Stop Holding Your Love For Him Hostage!

  1. That list is really good. If any wife did that for her husband, he’d be a very lucky husband. And if he were a good husband, he would cherish the tranquility his wife works so hard to create and respond accordingly by trying to live up to the honor and respect she gives him. Good men feel the shame of under-performing and not living up to the honor they’re called to. If you want a good man to act like a good man, show him honor and respect and make him live up to it. He’ll rise to the challenge (this is true not just for wives and their husbands, but co-workers, bosses, or subordinates/employees).

    Also: “Well, where is his list?” That’s a great question. I think men should have a list like this of how husbands should prepare themselves for their wives. I should take a shot at that and make one!

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      1. Garota, while I agree with your statement I have found, through observation, those good men are often left feeling defeated when they aren’t still built up and encouraged by their wives. When their wife is nagging, or not showing respect it’s hard to remain a good man.

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  2. That sounds absurdly pathetic and submissive. A relationship should have reciprocation. You’re actually making women think they should endure abusive behavior and unreciprocated feelings because they made a vow (a vow that was made by their husbands as well).

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    1. I would never support any woman enduring abuse – did you marry an abusive man? Then you’re a fucking idiot.

      I speak often about vetting a future husband so you know you’re marrying a good and honest man. But when you VOW on your wedding day to respect him through the good and bad and you stop respecting him on the bad days you’re not true to your OWN words. Additionally, a relationship should not be tit-for-tat nor should you keep score.

      You married the man you respect – now respect the man you married.

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  3. None of that is what I would consider submission; it’s maintaining a comfortable, happy home.

    There is a huge difference between submission in a healthy relationship and submission in an abusive relationship. The key is entering into a relationship with someone who you can trust to be a “good” person.

    Liked by 1 person

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